The Great Trade-Off

I always knew that motherhood would change me. That was no surprise. In fact, when I was pregnant, people would often say “Oh your life is about to change FOREVER” with this ominous tone, like I had no idea what I had signed up for. And I would think “I sure hope so!” Can you imagine living your pre-baby life post-baby? I sure can’t. But for me, that was a good thing. I always knew I wanted children, and at the ripe (almost rotten) age of 33, I had done enough of the childless things to know that I wanted to do more of the child-full things. And so it began. Here are just a few of the many ways my life has changed. As a disclaimer, this is not a complaint list at all. I intend to print these blog posts out and include them in my scrapbook so I can forever remember my thoughts about this time. So with that… I have traded the following:

1) Cute little handbags, for black bags under my eyes. On the upside, black goes with everything.

Check out those bags!

2) The little black dress, for the giant black yoga pants. I seriously thank God every single day for the stretchability of spandex. And no, I haven’t actually had time to do any yoga since he was born.

3) Bottles of wine for bottles, and whine. No explanation necessary.

4) Pumping Iron (yes, even the 5 pound weights count) for pumping milk. One day I really will do a blog post entitled “The many similarities between me and a cow”. Seriously. I’ll do it.



5) Abs of steel for abs of flab. (For the record, the abs in my head match those on the cover of any ab video you see advertised. The mirror tells a very different story, but we all know mirrors lie. Rolling your eyes at me? OK fine. Go try on bathing suits in department store lighting in the dead of winter. See? Now you think mirrors lie too.)

Uh-huh... totally my body.  I promise.

6) The occasional indulgence of a blow-out by my hair-stylist, for the daily blow-out of my child’s diaper. Don’t worry- I won’t post pictures of that one. Most of you have enough mental images of your own diaper days that will suffice.

Oh the good old hair days... back when I had time to do more than just wash it.

7) Rocking my skinny jeans for rocking my baby to sleep. In another 20 years skinny jeans will be cool again. I’ll just pick up the trend then… when I’m 53. Yikes! As a side note, I really do wish I had a picture of me in my pre-baby skinny jeans. Then again, it just might make me cry.

8) My own urge to party all night, for my son’s urge to potty all night. In truth, I haven’t “partied” in a long, long time. Longer than I care to admit, actually. But should I feel the urge to again, I’m already conditioned for surviving without any sleep. So feel free to invite me to your next all-nighter. I can totally hang with the 8 week-olds.

This was actually the first day he switched from Newborn size diapers to Size 1's.  It's obviously not night, but you get the idea.

9) My favorite fragrance (Dolce & Gabanna Light Blue) for the scent of spit-up. I have a reflux baby. Enough said. Along with this, I’ve traded the scarf as the accessory of the season for the burp cloth. If you ever see me without a burp cloth, just know, it’s laundry day.

This is the new uniform.  Note the yoga pants, the burp cloth, and the hair clip that are now all staples in my very sad little wardrobe.

10) Singing along at a concert, for singing lullabyes. Actually, I’m pretty lucky in that regard. My child does not like the traditional “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and you can FORGET “Row Row Row Your Boat.” He does, however, quiet instantly when I sing Janis Joplin, Johnny Cash, or for some strange reason, the Love Boat theme song. (Please don’t ask how we discovered that last one. I’m begging you. Just don’t.)

I’m sure you’ve noticed that a lot of those “changes” have to do with my appearance. So I’ll just put it out there- I’m vain. So there. I like to feel good about myself, and a lot of that is evident in my appearance. No, I don’t wear fancy designer clothes, but I do like to take care of myself, and that is something I haven’t had time for lately. I know I’ll never have time to care for myself like I did pre-baby, and that’s OK. But I definitely miss some of those things- like the exercise.  There are, however some things that I can manage right now. So today begins Operation Motivation. I don’t have the energy to work out like I used to, but I can manage what I eat better. And that’s where we’re starting. God Bless my sweet husband- I adore him, and I can’t tell you how very much I appreciate all of the things he’s picked up while I focused on caring for our child. But the sweet man actually thinks mac-n-cheese is a vegetable. So I think it’s time for me to take over meal planning again. At least some of the time.

Now keep your eyes peeled for that cow post, because some of the topics will likely be the same.